March 28, 2005 – HART’s Physical

Here’s the reader digest version.

  • I already pee’d before getting to the doctors’ office, because nobody told me I was supposed to NOT pee, and then come pee into a bottle.
  • I weigh in
  • My blood pressure test was a little high, maybe about something over 140….
  • I believe I passed all of the tests like.. “put left finger on nose” and “put right finger on nose”, and other tests like the “leg kicks up after being smashed with a hammer” test….
  • Dr. G. proceeds to check my prostate i.e. gets VERY personal “up front”, asking me to cough while he is feeling me up ~~
  • Dr. G. then asks me to rollover and proceeds to get even MORE personal where the sun don’t shine ~~
  • HART doesn’t like that part too much … and being tense and all, makes Dr. G’s test unsuccessful
  • So, Dr. G. gets out his pad of paper, and starts to write out a series of blood tests that I am required to take, a total of 19 sets of initials that I don’t understand. Because there were problems with the last test, he hands me a ‘care package’ and instructs me to take 3 separate stool samples before going down to take the blood tests.

    Dr. G. knows my background.

    My mother goes to the same clinic. She has high blood pressure at times, among various other things. My father is diabetic, taking insulin, among various other things. That knowledge had great impact on the doctor in choosing the tests for me, so he says.

    I asked if I could take the blood pressure test again, because I’m sure I could pass it this time.Dr. G. laughs, and claims that “it is what is is” and there is no point. But, I convinced him to let me try it again, because .. heck! I’ve never taken a physical before and was nervous. Now, he’s fondled my balls, stuck his finger up my ass .. I think I am calm down now. This time, my blood pressure was something over 130 – an improvement.

    So! I can do this … Bring it on! On with the collection of the stool samples that is … and then the blood test.

    HART